Before You Try to Change Yourself
When you're struggling, what do you tell yourself about it?
Perhaps it's “I'm too sensitive.” “I shouldn't feel like this.” “Why do I keep doing this?” or simply “What's wrong with me?”
Perhaps you've tried medication, exercise, podcasts or positive thinking. Maybe you've distracted yourself, had a drink, or just told yourself to get over it. Some of these things may have helped for a while, but somehow you keep finding yourself back in the same place.
Or perhaps you've spent years looking after everyone else, keeping the peace or trying to be what other people need, and somewhere along the way lost sight of yourself.
Maybe you know exactly what you're struggling with. Maybe you don't. Sometimes it's difficult to explain – you just know you don't want to keep feeling this way. Wherever you are, that's where we'll start.
When was the last time you could say exactly how it is?
You may have already talked to family or friends and they offered advice, reassurance or solutions. But sometimes we actually need somewhere we can say exactly how we feel, without worrying about anyone else's reaction and without anyone trying to fix it straight away.
Hello, I'm Monique.
When someone asks me what I specialise in, I usually say: people.
Yes, I work with anxiety, depression, trauma, OCD, relationship difficulties and many other things. But two people with the same diagnosis can have completely different stories. So I want to get to know you – what happens just before the anxiety takes over, what the worrying does for you that letting go doesn't, what goes on between you and other people when you feel hurt, frightened or rejected.
I'm a BACP-accredited integrative psychotherapist and certified trauma therapist, working with individuals and couples. I have over 1,000 hours of clinical experience across charity, community and private practice settings. I've sat in the other chair too, so I know therapy can feel scary. I know what it's like to wonder what on earth you're supposed to say – or whether you really want to say it once you're there.
I don't have a set formula for therapy – we're all so different. We'll talk, I'll ask questions and sometimes gently challenge you. And when we've run out of words, we might do something a little different.
Clients often tell me they find themselves talking about things they’ve never shared with anyone before. I never take that kind of trust for granted. I hope that in my therapy room, you can be exactly who you are.
When You Don't Have to Pretend
Whatever you bring to therapy, you don't have to make it sound better, nicer or more grown-up than it really feels.
You can be angry, jealous, ashamed, resentful, relieved – or feel nothing at all. You don't have to convince me that you shouldn't feel that way. We'll try to understand what's going on.
And if something feels too painful or personal to talk about, that's okay. You set the pace. I won't push you before you're ready.
When the Mind Knows But the Body Resists
Sometimes words are enough. Sometimes they aren't.
You may know exactly why you feel or behave a certain way and still find yourself reacting in the same old ways. You may have worked really hard to figure out what's going on. But knowing why you feel a certain way doesn't always change how you feel.
That's why therapy with me isn't always just talking. Your mind may know that something is over, while your body still reacts as though it isn't. So we might pay attention to what's happening inside you, or use drawing, objects or imagination. None of this is compulsory – if you'd rather just talk, we'll talk.
Sometimes the things we keep in the dark are the things most worth getting to know.
When It’s Not Just About the Dishes
When I work with couples, my job isn't to decide who's right or wrong, tell you what to do, or decide whether you should stay together. It's to help you understand what's happening between you.
Sometimes the smallest things can spark the biggest arguments. And sometimes the argument isn't really about what you think it's about. We'll slow things down and look underneath it – what each of you has been trying to say, what you've both been longing for, and what keeps getting in the way.
Often, when we understand what's really happening between you, we begin to see not only the problem differently, but each other too.
Bigger Than You. Not Stronger Than You.
We often come to therapy wanting to get away from what feels overwhelming.
Sometimes change begins by getting a little closer instead. I can help you understand what you're up against, and find a different way of being with it.
Not an enemy.
A protective response trying to keep you safe, even when the danger has long passed.
Not just something that happened in the past.
An adaptation that shapes how we think, feel and relate to others.
Not simply a matter of choosing the wrong people.
Patterns that often begin long before adulthood.
Rarely just about food.
Often about coping with emotional pain, shame, fear or the need for control.
Not a sign of weakness.
Often a way of staying emotionally safe by avoiding conflict, rejection or disappointing others.
More than sadness.
Sometimes a mind and body that have been carrying too much for too long.
What my clients say
- 'I have told you my darkest secrets and you didn't judge me'
- 'I felt that every single thing we did had a purpose.'
- 'You were so supportive.'
- 'You helped me explore parts of myself that I would naturally have avoided'
- 'I felt safe'
- 'It was just what I needed!'
- 'I feel so much stronger.'
- 'You have helped me more than anyone else before.'
- 'You have changed my life.'
Qualifications & Accreditations
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MA Counselling & Psychotherapy
University of Leeds
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BACP Accredited Counsellor & Psychotherapist (Accredited Member MBACP)
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Certified Trauma Therapist
The Institute for the Study of Peak States (Canada)
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Certified Peak States Therapist
The Institute for the Study of Peak States (Canada)
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Postgraduate Diploma in Counselling & Psychotherapy
University of Leeds
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Certificate in Self-harm and Suicide Awareness & Prevention (TQUK Level 2)
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Diagnosis of Mental Health Disorders According to DSM-5
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Spiritual Emergency
Would You Like to Talk?
Sessions in English and Polish
Individuals (16+) and couples
In-person and online
50-minute sessions
£65 (individuals)
£80 (couples)
I usually recommend meeting weekly to begin with, as this helps us build momentum and get to know each other. We can adjust the frequency as we go.
07738 813 683 monique@frontroomyork.co.uk Front RoomBelle Vue Street
York
YO10 5AY
